Propose ideas, don’t wait for them
How many times have you and a friend gone back and forth asking each other “what do you want to do?” No one wants to make the decision. You might have an idea, perhaps a nice bike ride. You don’t want to suggest it because you think your friend won’t like the idea much. You waste time trying to decide what to do. You could be doing something by now. He suggests playing video games and you agree. You don’t care too much. You just want to hang out. After playing a few games he asks you what you want to go eat. The cycle starts again.
I have been asking for validation too much lately.
“What would you want to do?”
“I don’t know, what about you?”
If both parties do this, then we run in circles. We continue to ask each other what the other would like to do, but we do not come up with anything. I truly don’t care often, so I let the other person decide. However, they do not want to decide either. I do this because I want the other person to be happy with the choice. I seek the validation of the other person to assure me that my choice is good or not. If it is good, then they will pick it themselves. If it isn’t, then they would not choose it.
I need to propose ideas rather than asking for opinions. If someone does not like the idea, then they can propose a different idea. If they do not care then they will just go along with it. Both parties are happy instead of annoyed that they can’t figure out what to do.
Being indecisive is not a good place to be. Being able to make a decision displays confidence that you are not afraid of stating your opinion. Most of the time I have some feeling of what I want, but I ignore that feeling so the other person can make the decision. Some of my friends like to make all the decisions. I like that they always have an idea of what they want to do, it puts less pressure on me. If I don’t feel the same way, then I can always tell them and they are often open to new ideas. It is nice to not be pressured to make the decision all the time if I don’t want to.
Asking for advice isn’t so someone can make a decision; instead it is so they can feel their decision is right. I cannot count the number of times I have asked for advice only to go with my original idea. Even if most of the advice was to not go with my original idea. I just wanted validation that my idea was the best.
Next time someone asks your opinion on something, have one. Propose ideas even if you don’t think they are good. Be in control of your life instead of going with other people’s ideas.